the maid formerly known as weng

it's alive!

2008-12-29T17:32:00.002+08:00

huwaw cubao!

oh yes! it's been two years since this blog got updated--mostly because of my friggin' day job got in the way, and second, because i'm just lazy.

okay... so a couple of updates:

1. weng is still alive. she is still my maid and no, she is no longer keeping the name "lyn." now that she is studying to be a caregiver, (yes, you can go and do the "i care about my job, sir. i care about you..." sharon cuneta monologue now) she changed her name again. she is now called "celine" by her possy. she truly is the maid formerly known as weng.

2. i haven't seen my frienemy in ages. and i dont really care. last i heard, he has moved on to populating the world with more uglies. okay.

3. i'm still a closet showbiz person. hahaha.

okay, let the word vomit for 2009 begin!

lost in translation

2006-09-13T15:56:00.000+08:00

i have Peladophobia
i may also have Cacophobia
and Herpetophobia
and Tapinophobia

hahaha.
if you're smart, you might know what i'm talking about.
i think ____ has Autophobia.
i bet ____ will be, if ____ doesn't clean up his act.
oh i bet ___ has Anglophobia, Medorthophobia, Kolpophobia, Chaetophobia, Trichopathophobia, Trichophobia, Hypertrichophobia, Hagiophobia, Athazagoraphobia, Megalophobia, Gamophobia, Allodoxaphobia, Algiophobia, Ponophobia, Odynophobia, Hypengyophobia, and last but not the least Catagelophobia.

i sincerely hope ___ stops being an optophobe.
hahaha
wake up and smell the coffee.

isn't it fun when you know something that other people don't know.

yes, you can google yourself to death now.

for the curious ones, ask me for the list.
hahaha.

peace.

just kidding.

i like chaos.

i can't smile without you

2006-08-23T11:34:00.000+08:00

this made me smile.

i used to collect russ troll dolls when i was a kid. i had about 20. now, they just remind me of...
my childhood.

i bet you thought i was going to say it reminded me of my ~~hobbit friend~~. oops. oh no. just when i thought i was over my mean streak. darn it. i shall once more, hold my tongue... probably not.

peter andre

2006-08-23T11:10:00.000+08:00

this hot piece of ass is peter andre.
he was the one-hit wonder who rolled on the beach singing "mysterious girl" back when i thought hanging out in megamall's skating rink was cool.

this is him now.
a fat bastard married to jordan, a porn star.
why?
why?
why?

what a waste.

ok kokey

2006-08-17T17:00:00.000+08:00

i google-d the word "maganda," and the search engine came up with these results:

Meet Nr. Maganda. He's from Africa

Nice nose.

That's the spirit. I hope you find a rich DOM who'll give you a green card.

this is what happens to men who think with their penis.

the daily panget

2006-08-17T14:16:00.000+08:00

i google-d the word "panget," and got these resuts:

wheee, happy couple

keys me

*wink* wanna be my lovah?

quote of the day

2006-08-17T14:09:00.000+08:00

"broken hearts are for assholes."
- frank zappa

disclaimer

2006-08-15T13:20:00.000+08:00

this is my blog. it's not my fault that you don't have your own space for your daily word vomit--no matter how lame it may probably be.

if you don't like it, don't read it.

eff-off.

post script

2006-08-10T16:58:00.000+08:00

he must have been living under a rock when god showered all of us with morals.

dear frie-nemy

2006-08-10T15:27:00.000+08:00

dear frie-nemy,
i know that i shouldn't judge you, but i can't help it because i'm just simply fabulous. i just really love to hate you right now because it's been a month and you're still clueless with what's happening. someone should give you an enima to take all the shittyness out of your system.

i've said some pretty mean things about you... like about your height, your fashion... okay, i'm not going to mention the whole list because i might end up adding to it as i go along. you think it bothers me that i know that you know that i'm talking shit about you? it doesn't. with your salary, i suggest you go buy yourself some balls and own up. dude, you're delusional. you're not the victim. maybe i'm your karma.

p.s.
if you think this letter is addressed to you,
you're right! congrats.

bato bato sa langit, tamaan wag magalit. wuhoo.

weng's flipflops

2006-08-09T17:23:00.000+08:00

the other night, i was in our living room with my boyfriend. he's so hot. he cut his hair so he looks clean and preppy. anyway, my dog comes in with yellow flipflops in his mouth. yuck. she snagged weng's tsinelas. to my surprise, the flipflops looked like:

could it be true? did my sense of style rub off on lyn, the barrio girl formerly known as weng? could years worth of cleaning fabulous brazilian flipflops teach someone like weng/lyn to aspire for beautiful trendy beach-y footwear? how can she afford one? the cheapest is like 800php? i mean she still has to send money to her 'rents.

i took a closer look. the brand was missing several letters--it read "havanas" instead. oh no! blasphemy. but i was too ecstatic upon seeing the girl having a sense of what's uso to care about how totally fake it was. i loveee the color. i'm sure it'll make her feet look cleaner. hooray for weng---or lyn!

road rage

2006-08-09T10:07:00.000+08:00

early in the morning, on my way to work, there was this stupid ass driver who didn't want me to make singit. i was going to change lanes to make a right at the corner, and because nga he's such an ass, he didn't want me to pass through. parang he'd rather hit my precious car with his bulok car than let me singit. when we both turned the corner, i cut him. harhar. he ate my dust the whole stretch of katipunan. kapal pa of him to try and catch up. i was doing like 120kph at 7:30 in the morning. talk about morning rush.

the hobbit formerly known as my friend

2006-08-08T20:55:00.000+08:00

i really hate playahs. i swear they should like die na lang. kadire these people. they're probably compensating for their small dicks.

i hate to say it but i actually know one. he used to be my friend. now i have like zero respect for him. whenever i see him, all i can think of are mean insults. i shall refer to him as a hobbit, because obviously he looks like one.

dude looks like eyes with feet. plus, his shoes doesn't even match his clothes. like the other day, he was wearing blue and his shoes were like black. haha. black and blue. he's a walking hematoma. dude doesn't know how to dress. like he never got over the whole big shirt, jeans, and basketball shoes. what's up with that? sa bagay, hobbits don't evolve. somebody queer eye this leprechaun.

and oh my gawd. he has a man-purse. i don't know what to make of it.

Paris Hilton says no to sex

2006-08-08T18:51:00.000+08:00

Puh-lease. Her fugina is like her hotel--open for anyone, anytime.

CNN.com article:

Paris Hilton: I'm going celibate

'I'll kiss, but nothing else,' says heiress

LONDON, England (AP) -- Paris Hilton says she is sick of boyfriends and is celibate.

The 25-year-old who gained international fame when a former boyfriend posted a videotape of the couple having sex on the Internet denied leading a promiscuous lifestyle in an interview with the British edition of GQ magazine.

"I'm not having sex for a year. ... I'll kiss, but nothing else," says Hilton, who told the magazine she has had sex with only two men during her lifetime.

read the article

Fil-Ams vs Ameresians

2006-08-08T18:41:00.000+08:00

Pinoys are racists. Swear. When Pinoys see a half-Pinoy half-Caucasian American, they immediately call the person a "Fil-Am." But how come when they see a half-Pinoy half-African American person, they say "Ameresian."

Weng is now Lyn

2006-08-08T14:13:00.000+08:00

Let me introduce you to our maid Weng. She's 16 years old. I don't know if we're violating the labor code by hiring her, but I swear we're really nice to her naman e. Like, the only work she does is look after my shih-tzu, and of course, get stuff. I hate going out of my room. Actually, I hate moving, so I make her get everything I need.

Anyway, she's been with us for a year. My mom decided that we should be charitable and help the poor, so we sent Weng to school. I was super excited, because I miss shopping for school supplies. I was tasked to buy all her stuff. I hate long lines so I went to National Bookstore, Eastwood. Smart noh? I could've bought the artista notebook, but no. I will not have my maid use cheap notebooks, noh. Yucky. I handpicked everything myself, of course with the help of my trustee handsome boyfriend--whom I shall name John (for the sake of anonymity, and it's so Sex and the City)--carrying the shopping basket. I bought pink everything! Pink notebooks, pink pens, pink pencil case...

When I got home, I was super excited to give her the stuff. She was super happy. Moments later, I caught her removing the spring of those beautiful notebooks, and sewing them together with yarn. The horror. There I was teaching her style, and what does she do? She barrio-fies it. I told her that if I only knew that she was going to fuglify those notebooks then I would have bought the cheap notebooks na lang. She's so stupid. I swear.

She tried defending her stupidity by saying that her classmates used to do it to their notebooks. Good Lord. What planet was she from. Sewing notebooks with yarn? That's sooo 90's. Cheap 90's at that. Syempre I tried to understand her na rin kasi she's from the bundocks. Poor girl.

I tried fixing the crisis by making labels for her stuff. I asked her what name should I print in my labeler thingie. She said "Lyn." What the fuck? Is she trying to have a new identity? Does Weng sound too maid-ish?